|
zardflyingturtle
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Alan
Country: United States
State: Massachusetts
Metro: Worcester
Birthday: 12/4/1988
Gender: Male
Interests: kayla, girls, cute things, video games (ooo lol i could go on and on with games lol ill name a few later.. only a few...(dynasty warriors, chrono trigger, world of warcraft, diablo 2, starcraft, final fantasy, soul calibur 2, fire emblem, pokemon ), kung fu, kayla, tv, comic books (def spider man<<<< the best!!!, x men, superman, justice league, among others...), manga/anime (dbz, tenchi muyo, chobits, naruto, bleach and others), swimmin?, D&D (even if i cant play often it wat the heck i still like it lol), magic the gathering, lizards, baby stuff, seals, soft things...., goji juice!!, nutrition and antioxidants, ccgs, rpgs, movies (lots of types....), star wars, adam sandler, comedy, lord of the rings, teenage mutant ninja turtles (they rule!), SMALLVILLE, HEROES, Ninja warrior, obviously some more but tats a lot... and also KAYLA!!!
Expertise: kung fu, computer programming, swimming, chess, video games, reading real fast, typing real fast, magic (the card game), strategy, school, BIOLOGY, psychology, science, being smart!!,
Occupation: Student
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  Dragonakc
Member Since:
12/30/2004
|
|
| If there is divinity out there... it hates me!
I went to the big e today with kayla... Had a GREAT TIME! We ate maine baked potatoes, saw chickies, piglets, petted some sheep/goats/llamas, explored, had fun, caught some mardi gras beads, watched a sea lion show, watched chinese acrobats, froze together since it got madddd cold, went hunting for a sweatshirt for her since it was cold, got her a pizza and fried dough (4 dollar pizza lol), we looked at 3 different hot tub places because she wanted to look at them, got her a new alpaca bear after coming back two times to find a cute one! It was just like old times... we talked about old fun memories and she let me put my arm around her and it made me miss a lot of things...
On the drive back, we listened to inspiration together and we sang it softly like we used to sing to each other and something inside me just snapped... I told her that I feel that we got cheated... She has things so easy now with her new bf... while we had to put up with all that shit her mom put us through... why couldnt she let me have another chance with her with her new life? Why did she have to split up with me JUST THEN! why did she keep it a secret from me when she moved out? all that stuff! I guess I ruined a good day... but we had a serious talk... I guess it was important but idk.. I almost cried... A lot of times... She thought I was mad but I told her that I am not mad... I am just really sad... Im almost always really sad... I dropped her off at her bfs so they could watch fringe and she gave me a long hug... I probably should have tried to kiss her softly on her cheek or something... I decided not to but I regretted it the second she got out of the car...
I love her so much, why can't she just see that I am the one she belongs with? That other douchebag does not care about her like do, does not love her like I do, she doesn't love him, hes inconsiderate, hes fat, hes a loser, he doesnt have a car, has no career, he doesnt make her happy, he doesnt comfort her enough about her problems and I hate him so much... I hate my life.
Did I mention I still have an abstract and some commenting on other people's abstracts to do? And that I need to make it to a 9:30 class tomorrow? FUCK MY LIFE SO HARD! When can I get everything straightened out? When is that special person going to come into my life? Why does life have to be so confusing...
| | |
| Today, I hung out with Venu and Vrunda. It was pretty sweet. After much deliberation and such, I got a shirt at aeropostale when we went shopping at the mall. We had subway for lunch which was nice. They told me that apparently, their coworkers thought that Venu and I were dating, which didn't surprise me much... But apparently one coworker (who is gay) said that it is a good thing we weren't dating because she is too good for me! Holy crap! What balls! As if I needed the universe to rub in the cruel truth some more? I asked her out already and failed. That's ok/acceptable. But why do I need to endure this second helping of crap delivery? I AM FUCKING INSECURE about my love life at the moment. I do not NEED this bullshit making me even more so! I would so love it if someone said that shit to my face so I could just punch them in the face... I feel like such garbage...
| | |
| I am feeling really bad heartache right now. I feel so lonely. So sad. I don't know how to express how I am feeling at the moment. I wish things were better. I do not want to be desperate but I am sad. My life feels so empty and pointless right now. I want something to light up my life... I just don't know what else can do it besides love... I hope I can have the strength to get through this sadness and grow from it. Let me be happy again.
EDIT: Tetris is awesome for relieving stress!
| | |
| Hello future version of myself. Life is still mediocre. That is, not great/good but not bad either. Just average, uneventful and kind of boring. I have been spending my days playing dota/hon, going to lab, going to kung fu, texting Venu, trying to get in touch with kayla, and/or having fun bothering momma with Albert...
Music update! Currently my favorite songs are as follows...
1. Read My Mind
2. I can't be your friend
3. It's Not My Time
4. I'm In Heaven when you kiss me
5. Knights of Cydonia/ Frog/ Train/ Hot N Cold
Today we went to BJ's after going to an open house for Grandma and Grandpa... They are coming to live in a condo here according to dad. We got a CRAP TON of random useful things (mostly food) for my going back to school. I won't bother going into anymore detail with that. Albert has been going to bed at 11-12 because of school, and I am stuck staying up until like 3-4 everynight because that is just when I get sleepy nowadays. Tonight I looked into the starcraft class at UC Berkeley and watched the first couple of classes while eating my 2nd dinner. As of right now, I do not know exactly what is going to happen in terms of my Dota/ HoN future... Which game will I end up putting more of my time into? HoN's stat tracking, limited forms of leaver control, smoother attack animations, and lots of other little things are really alluring and I have to say I really enjoy it... However, it does have a lot of balance issues at the moment and it is still not perfect... I do not think it will ever be as balanced as the version of dota it has to compete with. Just... without a group of teammates to play DotA/HoN with... I do not think I can ever reach my full potential playing either game! Albert and I are just stuck playing EM games because in normal games, we cannot influence the overall flow of the game as well because we cannot stack as quickly... We are limited by our teammates. I always end up doing everything I can to win, which ends up in my stats being very average... Meh w/e. I hope things work out.
I am kind of excited to go back to school because I think it should make my life a lot more exciting! I can meet new people again, spend time with people my own age again... Maybe find a special girl... I don't know! It should definitely be a lot more fun! On a random note, I keep losing track of things that I can do when I am bored and albert is asleep... how about I make a list for myself!
1 Ogre Battle ?!?!
2 Disgaea?
3 House?
4 Justice League?
5 MMPR?
6 Fire Emblem?
7 George Lopez?
Probably more later...
I am installing new graphics card drivers for this compy! Hopefully it will run better... My life still feels kind of empty... I really hope things pick up soon...
| | |
| My life is average. That is how things are right now. I am working at the lab almost everyday. The drive is kind of relaxing because of the music but it is kind of long too. I am playing HoN in all of my free time now it seems. We just played a game of dota... and we owned so bad... I played Huskar and Albert played Rhasta. Good stuff. We just watched the Hangover. Pretty good movie I guess. Time seems to be going by so fast now... my baby cousins are getting so big... I am feeling really weird! On another note, I got a B+ in my history class... I thought I wrote my paper well and did well on my final but I guess not good enough...? I need to finish my med school application soon... the deadlines are coming up! I am going back to school on Sept 6 and start on the 8th. Kayla called me on Thursday. It was a pretty interesting and enjoyable conversation... just like old times. I even called her babe on accident. She was waiting for her fat bf to get out of the movies/get a book at barnes and noble. I wanted to talk to her about why she "betrayed" me at the end of our relationship. She obviously was not happy with me but idk... I like to think that the good things were always worth the unpleasantness that was present towards the end... I want to know if she feels the same way about things. I tried to call her a bunch of times today but I guess she was working. I thought mondays were days off for her. Also I went to Six Flags with Venu on Wednesday. We went on some rides, got some candy, waited in lines, I played some games, won 2 lil tigers (I gave one to her and one to Vrunda), chilled with Vrunda for a lil bit, and she treated me to some coldstone ice cream. Coldstone is pretty good! Apparently it was surprising that I could finish the whole thing. I just feel so... AVERAGE right now. Nothing huge in my life is happening it seems. I am not really excited about anything... I don't have anything super special in my life. I guess all I really do now is my work, visit family once in a while, and DotA/HoN. At least I am getting pretty good at HoN/DotA I guess... Albert went back to school today but he's going to be at home until Wednesday because he has to work. I probably already posted this but I tried asking out my TA that I was interested in but I got pwned AGAIN. Ok so I just briefly alluded to it I think. Tomorrow at kung fu, I am going to get so owned because I am going to work out really effin hard... I guess I need to get into better shape. I have been slacking a lot... Playing HoN instead of working out. This week tho... This week I can work out like I should have been... Kung fu tomorrow, maybe pull ups on Wednesday (lets try for 30 total?), kung fu Thursday, maybe 30 more pull ups on Friday, push ups dumbell bench presses dips and w/e else for Saturday/sunday... This summer has been kind of a disappointment. I have been screwing things up in lab a lot lately too... Wow I got into the closed beta for LoL. Doing that nowwwww. I guess I do not really have much to say anyways...
| | |
|
